JerseyGM.org

Joe: I'm going to throw two large ceramic elephants into the garbage, as well as my first tool box.

Joe: I need to cut my nose hairs again soon.

Joe: I'm going to beat you to death.
Joe: Stuff your legs right up your ass.
Joe: Man did I eat a lot for lunch, whew.
Joe: Arrange track day.
Joe: Track prep is additional $, depending on how far we want sprayed. Can get up to an additional $800 :O
Joe: Fucking hell, I don't want to get my hair cut.

Joe: Frankie was such a good dude this morning, I swear he's a human stuck in that body.
Joe: I fart all over him.
Joe: Poor guy.
Joe: Set up track day.

Joe: I had so much gas behind the poop that I just took that it shot out of my ass like a cannon. It was loud, powerful, and awe inspiring.

Joe: A group of friends and myself once stripped a young asian male in a basement and left him there passed out. He was horribly toxic drunk and didn't wake up until the next day.
Joe: He was so sick, he filled a cooler full of vomit before he lost consciousness.
Joe: Ahh good times, he then left for the military a few weeks later. I'm sure the same thing happened to him numerous times.
Joe: He was dead center under the only lamp in the basement, curled up in a ball, naked, surrounded by the pitch darkness of the basement.

Joe: I watched 'Dirty Jobs" yesterday and it was an episode about a roach infestation in a trailer home down South. Oh my fucking God, what a nightmare.
Joe: The walls, floors, everything was literally crawling.
Joe: People still lived in it.
Joe: Every single square inch had at least once roach occupying it.

Joe: Energy levels suffering, I think I'm dying.
Joe: Remember: 1) No funeral 2) No wake 3) Buried in Grand Prix with hands tied to wheel 4) Frankie in lap dead or alive.

Joe: I got my Orabrush tongue cleaner on the way, you excited?
Joe: Got one for George too, bought a his/hers pack, all I had to pay was shipping :O
Joe: We're going to have the cleanest tongues in the building.

Joe: Fucking suck your brain out of a toilet paper tube sized hole in your skull with a vacuum cleaner attachment.

Joe: I'm going to listen to Metallica all morning, as much as I usually don't care too much for them.
Jeff: THATS GREAT JOE
Jeff: GOOD FOR YOU
Jeff: HERE HAVE THIS COOKIE
Joe: I ate a spicy turkey sandwich for lunch with Sriracha Asian hot sauce and my soul feels like a million dollars. Too bad the rest of me doesn't.

Joe: Are you wailing on my casket?
Joe: You know whats scary? The thought that any of us can die at any time in a freak accident.
Joe: A fucking meteor can come through the ceiling and kill me right now.
Joe: Crazy.
Joe: I feel awfully vulnerable all of a sudden.
Joe: I need a subterranean bomb shelter.
Jeff: SO THEN AN EARTHQUAKE COULD KILL YOU
Joe: No, it'd be earthquake proof.
Joe: Unless the ground opened up and swallowed it into a sea of lava.
Joe: Nowhere is safe!
Jeff: PLATE SHIFTING
Jeff: YOU WILL DIE
Joe:
Joe: 2.5+1.5+1+2+1
Joe: Oops.

Joe: Don't buy any shirts from Sears, you won't know what I've done to them.
Joe: Going to look like a mutant spider nest in that place.
Jeff: I WOULD DIE LAUGHING IF YOU DID THAT LOL
Joe: I'd be in fucking jail as a sex offender.
Joe: Imagine me having to explain to other inmates why I'm there. " I blew a load in a tee shirt in Sears. "

Joe: What you doing?
Joe: Something gay most likely, no?
Joe: I really love AFIs 2000 smash hit album "Sing the Sorrow". Been listening to that motherfucker for a decade now.
Joe: What you doing tonight anyway?
Joe: Playing with your butthole in a lawn chair?
Joe: Speaking of which, is your lower back and upper ass hairy? I don't know what to do about that. If I were to reduce the hairiness of it, the rest would look weird.
Joe: When I was in Miami with shithead a few years ago, we met two gay people. They were friends, Herman and Stephany. Anyway, Herman was talking about how he was having sex with some other dude and the other dude shit the bed. He then said that he was upset that the dude shit. That's something I can't understand. How can you be upset that there's shit in your bed, when you're doing something that involves ass, shit and a bed?
Joe: Stupid fucking bitch, wish a meteorite would strike her ass.

Joe: That dude was one happy black man. I love happy black men.